Especially when we have a frigging competition in 3 weeks. 8 out of 20 people showed up for a 4 hour practice tonight. No word to anyone on the team or to the coaches as to why they weren’t there. So valuable practice time was instead spent on conditioning and working on tumbling. I’m beyond pissed.
They say all the right things only for me to believe it. They always get so close, but never close enough. Eventually they’re gone. I hate being that in-between girl, enough to want me but not enough to keep me.
I’m starting to believe that no one will ever want me enough.
And the dumbest part is that I’m actually giving a fuck. Which says a lot, because I normally wouldn’t. And I think that’s why I’m so aggravated with myself. The fact that I let you make me feel this way. I really don’t know what the fuck has gotten into me these past couple of months, but all I wanna do is fucking cry when you do this kind of shit. And it’s pissing me off more than making me upset. >:(
Why should I care for someone that clearly doesn’t give two fucking shits about me!?
I know I’m better than this, and it’s frustrating that I can’t get past this bullshit.